Tuna Toast

      I grew up hating tuna. The smell, the taste, even the thought of eating it, yuck! BUT, after I had Ella, my wonderful mother showed me a way to eat it that is not only tolerable, but actually really good. I enjoy eating it. I look forward to it. Now, I've made one alteration to her recipe. She used miracle whip, I used to use lite mayo, but am now using Greek Yogurt. I'll admit, the lite mayo or the miracle whip is slightly better tasting than the greek yogurt, but the benefit of the yogurt outweighs the sacrifice 10 fold. The taste difference is so slight that I don't even notice it anymore. Greek yogurt is high in protein, 0 fat and perfectly creamy. So, here's the trick.

2 7oz cans of solid white albacore
2/3 cup Plain Greek Yogurt
1-2 pickles chopped into small pieces
a little bit of pickle juice
Garlic spread (instructions below) or mustard
whole wheat bread

Makes about 6 servings

Strain all of the water out of the tuna. You want it as dry as possible
mix the first 4 ingredients together in a tupperware container. You can also add a piece of a banana pepper or anything of your choosing.

Each day, toast 1 piece of bread, then apply garlic spread or mustard, then add tuna mixture.

Eat as an open-face sandwich. Has about 190-215 calories depending on the kind of bread you use.



Garlic spread
option 1: Puree peeled garlic with a little bit of olive oil and jar it. (Stronger flavor, My favorite)
option 2: slice garlic, soak it in olive oil and use only the oil. (not as powerful)

Loss

     Let me start this off by saying that I very much hope to not offend anyone in writing this. I mean not to be insensitive. What is written here is just personal experience, and thoughts.


    As some of you already know or may have guessed due to my weight-loss posts or lack of pregnancy statuses, I have had a miscarriage. I announced at the end of June that Gordon and I were expecting a baby in February. I knew I wasn't very far along, and most people choose to wait until the first trimester is over to announce anything, but we were just so excited and we felt so sure nothing would go wrong. When I went to Zion at the beginning of July, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick to my stomach. I was throwing up and everything. The next day, (July 3rd) I had cramping across my whole abdomen. I was pretty sure that it was just stomach-related, because it was across my whole belly, not just lower abdomen. Also, everything I had read told me "if you're not bleeding, probably nothing is wrong." I started feeling much better the day after that, and as the week went on, I had more energy and I figured I was nearing the end of my first trimester.
     On July 13th, I was exactly 11 weeks along. I was sitting in my parent's living room, playing games with everyone and took a bathroom break. That's when I saw the blood. I immediately started bawling, trying to calm myself down, I called my mom into the bathroom, and we went straight to the ER. So many thoughts were running through my mind. "What did I do wrong?" "Did I get too hot on that hike?" "Did I eat something I'm not supposed to?"
     The doctor did an ultrasound and said he wasn't seeing any cardiac activity, and that the baby was measuring 8 weeks and 4 days. After counting, my heart sunk. 8 weeks and 4 days was the day that we announced the pregnancy. But also, 8 weeks and 4 days after conception was the day before the aforementioned hike. I couldn't stop blaming myself. Even after they told me that my hematocrit was good, and that I was healthy, I was so sure I had done something wrong. Even still a month and a half later, I can't get the thought out of my mind that it was my fault.
     One of the hardest parts of this all was that Gordon was still in Arizona. He had to go back down for work but we had a wedding to attend in Utah and I didn't want to do the drive with Ella more than I had to.
Being away from him, and having to tell him over the phone that we lost our baby was extremely hard. I just wanted him to hold me while I cried. We had my brothers that live near us go over to give Gordon a blessing and try to offer him peace and comfort and company at this sad time.
     As much as I wanted Gordon with me, I was really grateful that I was with my family when this happened. It allowed me to have my family take care of Ella while I was at the hospital and while I was recovering from the D&C. I wasn't supposed to do any lifting, and I needed a lot of rest, so everyone, including my sibling that were living there too, pitched in to help take care of her and allow me to rest and recover.
     Eventually, I started thinking about having to tell the people that knew I was pregnant that I'm not anymore. I was dreading it. I didn't want to make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. I didn't make them want to feel like they need to put their foot in their mouths or anything. I was really nervous.

    At this point, I'm glad that I told people because it has allowed them to be sensitive to my situation. Telling them at first was a little bit hard, but then no one is asking me when I'm going to have another baby, or telling me I should have another. I haven't had to suffer alone. I haven't needed to suffer silently. I've been able to talk about it with other people who have been through the same thing, I've received support and love from neighbors, friends, and of course, family. I'm really grateful for the thoughtfulness of others who otherwise wouldn't be able to offer me the same love and support if they weren't aware of the situation. I am now feeling much better. My hard days have become hard moments that only last up to an hour, and they don't come nearly as often.
     To sum up, I might still wait until I hear a heart beat before I announce my next pregnancy, but I might not. I was really grateful for the opportunity to talk about my experience. It allowed me a chance to make sense of it all. Part of me wishes that people were a little more open about their experiences because I would love to be able to offer help and support and a listening ear to anyone else who is going through the same thing. This experience has definitely taught me to be more careful about what I say to whom and when. I don't want to be the person who is like "When are you gonna have a baby?!?!" to someone who just lost one. And I hope that everyone who reads this will try to do the same. Try to think twice when you are asking people about their plans to have children. Or if you are someone who has gone through this, or is going through this, it might make you feel much better to talk about it. I know it did for me.
Anyway, that's my two cents and I am offering a listening ear to anyone who needs someone to talk to.

Black bean burgers

Gordon and I decided we wanted to start doing meatless Monday to help us get back into good habits for the week. (Sunday will be our break day) I was fortunate enough to find this delicious and super easy recipe for black bean burgers. We put ours on those really thin buns. Here is the link to the recipe! The site is really cool because it lets you know if any of the ingredients are on sale near by. http://m.allrecipes.com/recipe/85452/homemade-black-bean-veggie-burgers

ENJOY! It really is delicious! Especially with pickles on top. Let me know what else you top it with and how it tastes!

Turning Over a New Leaf

     I have grown up in a family where health and fitness are a high priority. My parents went to great lengths to ensure that they didn't have unhealthy kids. We all had gym passes for as long as I can remember (as soon as we were old enough), we ate home-cooked meals every day but Friday -Pizza Day!-, we were all involved in sports or dance or gymnastics at some time or another, and it was great. I loved the way my parents did that because they didn't go over the top. We were still allowed to watch TV, we still got to have treats, and we would eat out to celebrate. I feel like I lived a very balanced life growing up and I want to do the same for my children. 

     As I've looked at my life, though, I'm realizing, I am not on that path. Gordon and I eat out WAY more than I'd like to admit, we spend a lot of time lounging around, and I'm not much of a cook, so the few meals I do make, aren't usually the healthiest decisions. 

     I want to change that. I want to set a meal plan, and I want to STICK to it. I want to go outside and do something active every day, I want to practice self control and learn to earn breaks. I can only imagine how much money we would save if we didn't eat out. SO the real reason for this post is to motivate me. I seem to be a little bit better at doing things when I have to check in with someone else. I'm WAY too easy on myself, and I'm GREAT at coming up with excuses. 

     I am going to start to post weekly with my meal plans, and my progress. I will also write about what I did each day to be active and burn a few calories. If you guys are lucky, I might even post my weight. (probably not) I already weight about 20 lbs more than I want to. YIKES! It seems like a lot more when I actually say and write it! Sheesh! 

     Anyway, I would love to have everyone's support and I hope I don't get on anyone's nerves with these posts. ALSO, if any of you have recipe ideas, I'd surely appreciate them. Like I said, I'm not a great cook, so if it could be fairly simple and inexpensive, that'd be great. I might want to do a day of the week that is meatless, so I am open to ideas! Thanks for reading, and if you want to join me on this journey, we can check in with each other and keep going. Let me know!
In an effort to not annoy everyone with my goals and such, I created another Instagram account. The username is @fatty2fittie_cata if you wanna follow along or join me in the journey, follow me!

The Humbling Experience of Labor and Delivery

     To start off, I am mostly writing this blog post to explain how extremely humbling this whole process was. I did not anticipate this experience to be so humbling. If anything, I was almost thinking "I am going to have this baby, I'm not getting an epidural or any other drug, it's going to be so awesome, and I am going to do a great job. I'm going to feel so powerful, etc etc etc. I didn't want an epidural for a few reasons. I wanted to be like my mom who had all 6 of her kids naturally, I have heard and read horror stories of terrible possible side effects for the mom, and I later read about the way epidurals can affect the baby. I did understand that these effects are not standard for every person, but it wasn't worth the risk to me.
     Here we go. So, I was due February 21st. Obviously, I was really anxious to have this baby already so I could meet her and stop being pregnant. At my weekly appointment on the 21st (a thursday), I was going to ask my midwife to strip my membranes because from what I had read, it may or may not work, but if you are already close to going in to labor, it is a good way to kick start that. (which I couldn't end up doing because I still hadn't dilated at all)hen I got to my appointment, I was really excited about the thought of getting my labor started and when they checked my blood pressure it was a little high. I had mostly attributed it to my excitement, but my midwife was worried about preeclampsia (look it up) and had me do a 24 hour urine catch to rule it out. I was obviously upset when I got home because I wasn't showing any other symptoms other than high blood-pressure. No swelling, no headaches, no nausea, nothing. I did the urine catch anyway, and, after learning that Timpanogos hospital (the hospital at which I was planning to deliver) is out of network for our insurance, turned it in to the lab at orem community hospital. I had decided that the insurance problem was the reason that I had had this problem so when it was time for me to deliver, I wouldn't be learning then that I have to go to another hospital. I decided to view it as a blessing in disguise.
     Over the weekend, I was trying all sorts of natural-induction methods, and none of them were successful. I tried eating spicy food, walking up and down stairs a LOT, long walks, pressure points, the list goes on. On monday (the 25th), I decided to go on a really long walk as I hand-delivered thank you notes around my ward and just beyond it. Still nothing. The only thing all the walking did was make me super hungry. As I was getting my food ready, I thought, "No one has called me about my protein levels. No news must be good news." Less than 20 min later, I got a phone call from my midwife telling me that my levels were over 500 and that 100 is where they start to worry. She explained that the way to "cure" preeclampsia is to have the baby, and she wanted me at the hospital at 8:00p.m. that night so we could start the induction process. I spent the next few hours trying to get everything ready for the trip to the hospital and for our return home.
     When we got to the hospital, they started me on a drug called Cytotec. To sum it up, it's something that, if you're close to labor, will give you the push you need. They would give me a dose every 3 hours, starting at 9:00 that night. By 9:00 the next morning, I had dilated to "a tight cm." My midwife had then given me 3 options: start Pitocin, insert a balloon thing that should help me dilate, or break my water. I chose the water breaking option, but when she tried to, the babies head was up too close against the amniotic sac, so she couldn't snag it with the hook. I can't remember why we didn't do the balloon thing now. I think it had to do with the "tight cm" being too tight. Anyway, they started me on Picotcin at about 9:30, and my water broke on it's own.
     They checked me around 3 and I still hadn't dilated. At that point, they gave me the option of an epidural, or a mild narcotic called Fentanyl to try to help my muscles relax enough to dilate. I chose the Fentanyl. When they checked me 3 hours later, I was almost at a 2. Then they gave me another dose. At around 8:30 or 9:00 ish I think, I started getting really tired. My pain tolerance went WAY down. Earlier in the laboring process, I was handling contractions that were getting to 100 MVUs really well (with help) but at this point, they were only getting in the 60s and I was melting. I was really hoping to be dilated to a 6, but I would have been satisfied with a 4. They checked me around 9:15, and I was at 2 cm.
     With my water already being broken and seeing that I was making little to no progress, it pretty much got to the point of either an epidural or a c-section. I could keep going on just Pitocin, but they weren't anticipating progress. After a lot of inner conflict and a lot of tears, I chose the epidural. I felt like such a quitter and a hypocrite, because I was SO set on no epidural, and had been saying stuff like "There's no way I'm getting an epidural." "My body is made for this. I can handle it." blah blah blah. anyway, I got the epidural at about 9:30, fell asleep, and woke up a little after midnight to be checked. I was finally at a 10, and it was just about time to push. Hooray! After around 40 min of pushing, our little darling was here. The first thing that I said when she was born was, "You're real!" I don't really remember most of the night except that I was FREEZING cold, my whole body was shaking, and I wanted the nurses around me to stop stabbing my arms. I guess I had lost a lot of blood and they were trying to give me something through an IV to make me contract to help stop the bleeding. I'll have to see if I can have my mom write about this part because it was a big blur.
     Now, I am doing MUCH better. My back hurts occasionally and I am pretty sure it is because of the epidural which annoys me an extra amount because I didn't want an epidural to begin with. But in the end, the baby and I are healthy, and I didn't have to get a c-section, so all is well that ends well, right?
     Anyway, as you can understand, this was a really, really humbling experience for me and it taught me that I don't control things, and to stop thinking that I do. Even when you want something that is a good thing, it's not always what Heavenly Father has in store for you for some reason or another. There are probably other lessons to be learned, and I may realize them with time, but for now, the humility gained from this is enough.

Update 28 weeks

How Far Along: 28.5 Size of the Baby: 2 1/4 lbs (like a Chinese cabbage)and 14.8 inches long from head to heels. 
Weight gain/loss: I have had quite the jump in my weight gain. It's a little embarrassing to make it public, but I've now gained about 25 lbs. 
Sleep: With the added pleasure of leg-cramps, sleep has been interesting the past few nights. You could set a not so important clock by my mid-night bathroom breaks though. I always wake up at about 5:30-5:40. Usually I'm able to fall back asleep right when I get back to bed. No so much lately. Getting comfortable is how a task. 
Best Moment of the Week: Having a follow up ultrasound and getting to see my lovely little girl again. I also really loved visiting the puppy that my parents are buying. He's so cute and cuddly. 
Movement: She has become much more active and I love it! I don't love it quite as much when I'm trying to sleep. It's like she knows when I'm trying to fall asleep and purposely wiggles around to keep me up. I can be laying down at 10 pm to watch tv and she's perfectly still, but if it's 10 and I'm laying in bed, she's a maniac. Still love it though. 
Symptoms: Like I said, leg cramps. I thought I was done with those when I quit tennis in high school. But now, when I wake up and stretch, without fail, my calves will cramp up. But I guess it is effective at thoroughly waking me up. 
Food Cravings: Nothing really. Not that I've noticed at least. I have been a little more fond of sweets than I usually am, but nothing else really. 
Belly Button - In or Out?: Still in, but starting to get really flat. (Please no outie, please please please!)
Anything making you queasy or sick?: not really. I've been REALLY fortunate in that department. 
Labor Signs: Nope! Not expecting those for a couple of months hopefully. Wedding ring on or off: Still on. Thank goodness! *fingers crossed it stays* 
What I Miss: I MISS SLEEPING ON MY STOMACH! 
What I am looking forward to: end of semester. ugh. hate school. 
Nursery: will be coming apart soon. We're going to be moving in a few weeks, so I haven't done a lot to the baby's room. 
Emotions: I cry lots. I blame it on the fact that my body is part baby... But I've also had lots of excitement because I'm finally in my third trimester and the holidays are going to make this go by quickly! (hopefully) 
Stupid things I have done: today, I locked Gordon out of the house and stayed at school longer than usual... oops.

21.5 weeks

So my friend Laura is pregnant. She’s about 7 weeks ahead of me. Anyway, she posts pregnancy updates on her blog http://dereklaurapower.blogspot.com and I thought it was such a cute and organized idea that I decided to copy her. So here it goes.

How Far Along: 21.5 weeks

Size of the Baby: She’s supposedly about 10.5 in long and weighs about ¾ lb. so she’s still itty bitty.

Weight gain/loss: The thing is, We don’t have a flat, hard floor in our home so every time I weigh myself, it’s different by about 3+ lbs. but at my last Dr. apt I was up 12 lbs from pre-pregnancy. I know it sounds like a lot, and it is, but it’s “normal” or below normal weight gain. I’m just hoping I don’t gain as much as my mom did with her first.

Sleep: Sleep hasn’t been too much of an issue for me through most of the pregnancy other than having to get up to use the bathroom. But last night was a nightmare. It’s been weird sleeping on my left side. I don’t know why it’s so much harder than my right, but I have a rib out of place on my left and need to get adjusted very badly so last night was just painful.

Best Moment of the Week: This week has been pretty great. We had fall break, carved pumpkins with some friends, played games with the fam, celebrated my sister’s birthday, my FAFSA came through and now I’m just waiting for my check. It’s been good! Best baby moment of the week was feeling the little lady kick from the outside. I woke Gordon up so he could feel it because I knew he wouldn’t want to miss it. I’m glad I woke him up for it because I haven’t felt it since, and it’s been a few days.

Movement: Off and on. Sometimes she is going crazy and I LOVE it, but sometimes I’m not even sure if I just felt her or something in my stomach. There are some days where I go most of the day without feeling anything. I don’t like those days.

Symptoms: PREGNANT BRAIN!! It has been getting worse and worse. It makes school so much harder. I’ve become dyslexic or something. I read things backwards, say things backwards, remember things incorrectly, it’s been a struggle for me.

Food Cravings: I’ve never been much of a milk drinker, but I love drinking non-skim milk. I try to keep it to 1% but occasionally indulge and have some 2%. 

Belly Button - In or Out?: Such a weird question but still in. And I’m hoping it stays that way. I can even handle flat belly button, but I so badly don’t want an outtie.

Anything making you queasy or sick?: Usually no. Mostly just smells. Like doing the dishes. That can bring me to the edge sometimes.

Labor Signs: No, thank heavens!

Wedding ring on or off: On, and I hope to keep it that way. We got it a little big so I will hopefully be able to keep it on for all or a large majority of the pregnancy. 

What I Miss: This week I missed 2 things a lot. Working out as intensely as I want to, and tanning. I loved going tanning. I look so much healthier with some color on my skin. And I love how warm it makes me. The heat goes deep through my bones. Oh I miss it.

What I am looking forward to: My FAFSA refund! Those of you who have ever paid tuition know how painful it is.

Nursery: We have a crib, a glider, and a changing table/dresser that we got off KSL. And we also have an adorable glider cradle. So excited to rock her to sleep in it.

Emotions: I’ve always been a cry baby, so I haven’t been too different. I probably cry more often, but I haven’t had any huge explosions of emotion that I can think of off the top of my head.

Stupid things I have done: Went all of fall break without doing any homework…. :/