The Humbling Experience of Labor and Delivery

     To start off, I am mostly writing this blog post to explain how extremely humbling this whole process was. I did not anticipate this experience to be so humbling. If anything, I was almost thinking "I am going to have this baby, I'm not getting an epidural or any other drug, it's going to be so awesome, and I am going to do a great job. I'm going to feel so powerful, etc etc etc. I didn't want an epidural for a few reasons. I wanted to be like my mom who had all 6 of her kids naturally, I have heard and read horror stories of terrible possible side effects for the mom, and I later read about the way epidurals can affect the baby. I did understand that these effects are not standard for every person, but it wasn't worth the risk to me.
     Here we go. So, I was due February 21st. Obviously, I was really anxious to have this baby already so I could meet her and stop being pregnant. At my weekly appointment on the 21st (a thursday), I was going to ask my midwife to strip my membranes because from what I had read, it may or may not work, but if you are already close to going in to labor, it is a good way to kick start that. (which I couldn't end up doing because I still hadn't dilated at all)hen I got to my appointment, I was really excited about the thought of getting my labor started and when they checked my blood pressure it was a little high. I had mostly attributed it to my excitement, but my midwife was worried about preeclampsia (look it up) and had me do a 24 hour urine catch to rule it out. I was obviously upset when I got home because I wasn't showing any other symptoms other than high blood-pressure. No swelling, no headaches, no nausea, nothing. I did the urine catch anyway, and, after learning that Timpanogos hospital (the hospital at which I was planning to deliver) is out of network for our insurance, turned it in to the lab at orem community hospital. I had decided that the insurance problem was the reason that I had had this problem so when it was time for me to deliver, I wouldn't be learning then that I have to go to another hospital. I decided to view it as a blessing in disguise.
     Over the weekend, I was trying all sorts of natural-induction methods, and none of them were successful. I tried eating spicy food, walking up and down stairs a LOT, long walks, pressure points, the list goes on. On monday (the 25th), I decided to go on a really long walk as I hand-delivered thank you notes around my ward and just beyond it. Still nothing. The only thing all the walking did was make me super hungry. As I was getting my food ready, I thought, "No one has called me about my protein levels. No news must be good news." Less than 20 min later, I got a phone call from my midwife telling me that my levels were over 500 and that 100 is where they start to worry. She explained that the way to "cure" preeclampsia is to have the baby, and she wanted me at the hospital at 8:00p.m. that night so we could start the induction process. I spent the next few hours trying to get everything ready for the trip to the hospital and for our return home.
     When we got to the hospital, they started me on a drug called Cytotec. To sum it up, it's something that, if you're close to labor, will give you the push you need. They would give me a dose every 3 hours, starting at 9:00 that night. By 9:00 the next morning, I had dilated to "a tight cm." My midwife had then given me 3 options: start Pitocin, insert a balloon thing that should help me dilate, or break my water. I chose the water breaking option, but when she tried to, the babies head was up too close against the amniotic sac, so she couldn't snag it with the hook. I can't remember why we didn't do the balloon thing now. I think it had to do with the "tight cm" being too tight. Anyway, they started me on Picotcin at about 9:30, and my water broke on it's own.
     They checked me around 3 and I still hadn't dilated. At that point, they gave me the option of an epidural, or a mild narcotic called Fentanyl to try to help my muscles relax enough to dilate. I chose the Fentanyl. When they checked me 3 hours later, I was almost at a 2. Then they gave me another dose. At around 8:30 or 9:00 ish I think, I started getting really tired. My pain tolerance went WAY down. Earlier in the laboring process, I was handling contractions that were getting to 100 MVUs really well (with help) but at this point, they were only getting in the 60s and I was melting. I was really hoping to be dilated to a 6, but I would have been satisfied with a 4. They checked me around 9:15, and I was at 2 cm.
     With my water already being broken and seeing that I was making little to no progress, it pretty much got to the point of either an epidural or a c-section. I could keep going on just Pitocin, but they weren't anticipating progress. After a lot of inner conflict and a lot of tears, I chose the epidural. I felt like such a quitter and a hypocrite, because I was SO set on no epidural, and had been saying stuff like "There's no way I'm getting an epidural." "My body is made for this. I can handle it." blah blah blah. anyway, I got the epidural at about 9:30, fell asleep, and woke up a little after midnight to be checked. I was finally at a 10, and it was just about time to push. Hooray! After around 40 min of pushing, our little darling was here. The first thing that I said when she was born was, "You're real!" I don't really remember most of the night except that I was FREEZING cold, my whole body was shaking, and I wanted the nurses around me to stop stabbing my arms. I guess I had lost a lot of blood and they were trying to give me something through an IV to make me contract to help stop the bleeding. I'll have to see if I can have my mom write about this part because it was a big blur.
     Now, I am doing MUCH better. My back hurts occasionally and I am pretty sure it is because of the epidural which annoys me an extra amount because I didn't want an epidural to begin with. But in the end, the baby and I are healthy, and I didn't have to get a c-section, so all is well that ends well, right?
     Anyway, as you can understand, this was a really, really humbling experience for me and it taught me that I don't control things, and to stop thinking that I do. Even when you want something that is a good thing, it's not always what Heavenly Father has in store for you for some reason or another. There are probably other lessons to be learned, and I may realize them with time, but for now, the humility gained from this is enough.